I don’t know why but 10 days is officially my breaking point. It’s not even 10 days till I leave the country, it’s just 10 days til I physically leave Sam. It’s seems so silly to say that until now it hasn’t really sunk in. But until now I had other things to distract me or to look forward to like Sam’s triathlon and going to Texas. Now I just have my drive out to CO in 10 days which will be interesting but will essentially just be more time to think too much and have a panic attack. I have 10 days to make memories that will last us the next year or two. Every fight that could just roll off our backs and be fine after a day or two will temper our feelings til we see each other next… which might not be for a year… maybe two. Leaving for this amount of time is like the job/life/relationship evaluation from hell. It’s like everything in my life is going to be freeze framed when I leave and that’s how I will be thought of until my return.

I do realize that I will have communication with and probably some visits from many of the people I care about. I also know how fast the past year has gone by and know that in turn so will the next. But life must go on. The kids I’ve worked with over the past year will find someone new to trust, my parents won’t notice a change because I call them so seldom now, my brother may see me more than he has in the past 2 years, and my roommate will find a new roommate to pay the bills.

No matter how hard I try or how many times I try, I can’t seem to write about the whirring thoughts in my head. 10 days left with Sam is seriously freaking me out. But as much as I’ve thought about that it wasn’t until reading another pcv’s blog that it dawned on me that next Thursday… a week from tomorrow I will be leaving Sam as I physically drive away from him to Colorado. Besides being emotionally crippling, the blatant unsafety of this is ridiculous. What is it about me that keep making me unearth myself. The more I think about it the more I know that I wouldn’t pass up this experience for anything. But there’s something to be said for not adding strain to one’s relationships. My parents claim they’ll come visit next April (2009) after ski season is over in CO and once my mom has earned some vacation time. Andrea and Bill (Sam’s parents) are going to South Africa in the end of September 2008 for the TED conference and then Sam’s going to come next year sometime. I don’t even know where to start writing about this.